Thursday, March 11, 2010

My heart is heavy

... sigh

This has not been a good start to March. We're only into the 11th day of March and I have been having problems with girl in school. First with missing items in school, carelessness, irresponsibility and now, she's being ignored in class by her mates.

When I picked her up after Chinese Speech and Drama class yesterday, she told me that no one in class wanted to be friends with her anymore. :( Why? Well, according to her, a certain girl in class is influencing the rest of the girls to not talk to her. I have no idea what the reason is but this girl has been giving her problems since last year. It doesn't help that she has been given the highest authority in class, both years. Speaking of which, why do schools have all these glamorous titles for kids in P1 & 2? From what I have observed, girl in question is a smart girl, in top Chinese class, and a favourite with both P1 & P2 Form Mistresses. However, I can't take it at face value that the entire class is not friends with her, so upon more probing, I found out she does have friends, but what hurts her most is that the friends not speaking to her are actually the closer ones, people she used to hang around and play with.

As she confided in me, the brave girl was trying to hold back her tears, but I assured her that she is loved by us, and if these girls choose not to befriend her, it's ok. She can spend more time paying attention in class and not be distracted. Besides, she has other friends. I felt her hurt and it made me really upset. I'm glad for the one week break from school so that she will put it behind her for the time-being while she concentrates on her ballet exams next Wednesday. It helps that we are having a sleepover at my home with a little 5-yr-old for company this Friday. That would cheer her up.


Angeleyes said...

aawwww... poor girl.
Hope she feels better after the holiday and her friends realized that what they have done is wrong and hurting.

Purple Cow said...

This one is a hard one. Kids can be tough. I recently fell from the clouds when a mother complained that my daughter was making her kid's life miserable...This was something I hadn't even realised cause my daughter never mentioned this girl at school. And I see many parallels between the girl in your story and my daughter who is also a straight A student and generally well liked by teachers and other kids. It was really tough trying to figure this out and despite talks with my daughter I'm not sure there is a solution. We can't all like one another, but we should definitely respect. All I could do as a mother was share my own stories and advise my daughter to be more sensitive. It's tough...cause though my daughter isn't the one being isolated having her ignore someone and get all mulish is not a trait any mother likes to see in her kid. When we talk though I can see her point in some things. It really does take two to tango, it's just that sometimes one person has to lead.

Good luck to your child. Just keep listening to her without focusing too much. Maybe a book on how to deal with bullying might help. Also try inviting some kids to your house so that she can make even tighter connection with her friends. I really hope that ultimately this makes her stronger...

I guess they ALL can learn something from this.

SIG said...

Yes, Angeleyes, I hope so too.

Purple Cow - Thanks for your input. I don't know the parents of this child well, so I don't know how to approach them or if they are sensible like you. I have found out a little, that the problem lies between girl in question and my girl but she is telling others not to befriend my girl, which is so not fair. I do not want to create a big scene as kids being kids, they argue one day and get back together the next day, so I don't think it is something so major to get all worked up about at this point. Thus I will observe once school reopens and see how it goes before deciding on which course of action to take.

daphne said...

oh Sig- bullying is such a horrible experience to have. Sometimes, teachers are great in mediating the situation but it does depend on the class isnt it?

Hope it works out for princess-it is so pleasing to hear how sweet the both of u are and how she confide in you! =)

Beau Lotus said...

Aye I do so hate this, it happens pretty often when you have groups of girls. For some reason, girls tend to be more possessive about their friends and also more groupish.

It doesn't help when teachers have pets and make known who they favour openly. It does affect how people in the group will react.

I agree with you that wherever possible we should not interfere in the children's quarrels and should just advise them on how best to solve them themselves. However, if Princess is really suffering from this and is being affected by it so much so she is miserable, can't study etc, then you must try to talk to the teacher.

Anyway she must also be more selective in her friendships, times like these, she will know who her true friends are.

Tigger mum said...

This is another form of bullying. Most of us can't imagine our sweet, innocent child can do such a thing.

My son who is very quiet and timid always get pushed around by other children.

Being a mother, it's a very hard thing to see. It is worse when the parents don't see the problem or believe their child can be a bully. There are not many parents out there like Purple Cow.

We can't always be there for them ... i.e. at school or even later in life when they are working.

The best we can do is to have an open communication with our child. When they come to us with a problem, try to give them support.

We can't change another child. What we can do is to teach our child how to handle it.

Teach them to speak up. Teach them to tell a teacher or grown up.

Over here, bullying are not tolerated. The school takes it very seriously.

Most importantly as a mother, help your child to deal with the emotional side of things. Built confidence. Open other ventures for her to experience.

All the best!

SIG said...

daphne - Yes, I do have to 'dig' stuff out of her sometimes. She doesn't confide willingly all the time.

beau lotus - Yes S, that is precisely my plan. I will let her solve it herself and if it affects her studies etc, then I will step in.

SIG said...

Tigger mum - I believe boys can be worse than girls, but boys are more the physical bullying type, whereas girls are more the psychological ones. Agree that some parents might not see it as a problem. That's precisely what I am trying to do with her, to show her options such as there are other girls in class to befriend. It is only as a last resort that I will approach the teacher. But to report a teacher's pet to a teacher, well, I'm not sure how the teacher will handle such a case.

HK Choo said...

I know princess is a tough cookie just like mommy, so she will overcome this I'm sure. Update us here on the good news when the bully got the punishment she deserves ya. :)